


Never let me go

by imbadwholf



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:44:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3356384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imbadwholf/pseuds/imbadwholf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Using lyrics from a song I have tried to make some sort of fan fiction for my best friend x</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never let me go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [impossiblyamelia.tumblr.com](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=impossiblyamelia.tumblr.com).



_Looking up from underneath_  
 _Fractured moonlight on the sea_  
 _Reflections still look the same to me_  
 _As before I went under_

“What about that one?” Amy asked while pointing towards a far away star in the sky.

“Well, it’s not so green up close, or bright, or large in fact it’s one of the smallest I have been on, but yes, I have been on that star.” The Time Lord lying next to her in the grass answered as they both looked up at the stars above them.

Smiling the ginger turned to him. “You are am- It’s amazing.” Waving her hand around in the direction of the TARDIS but never taking her eyes off her ancient friend. “Time and space. Travelling. You ar-lucky. Very lucky.” With a tiny frown he looks away and back towards the sky, quickly she adds. “In some ways. I mean, I, I know you must have out lived many people and... and seen many people die and don-done things you wish you could take back.” Grabbing his hand. “I won’t be here forever. My body isn’t like yours. But right now I am right here.”

 

_And it’s peaceful in the deep_  
 _Cathedral where you cannot breathe_  
 _No need to pray, no need to speak_  
 _Now I am under all_

 

Silently he nodded. So taken aback by her words. And with their hands linked they looked up into the sky.

 

_And it’s breaking over me_  
 _A thousand miles down to the sea bed_  
 _Found the place to rest my head_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_

 

It could have been thousands of years before he would feel okay with letting Amy’s hand go. But he didn’t have that time. Like she said. And he wanted every second she spent with him as memorable for her as it was for him so gradually he lifted himself and helped her off the ground and they headed into the TARDIS.

 

_And the arms of the ocean are carrying me_  
 _And all this devotion was rushing out of me_  
 _In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me_  
 _But the arms of the ocean delivered me_

 

And they travel. They keep running and running. Some times with River and Rory and sometimes not. Some times they are holding hands and sometimes they have their fingers locked around their own hand, trying to imiate the affection but never quite there.

 

_Though the pressure’s hard to take_  
 _It’s the only way I can escape_  
 _It seems a heavy choice to make_  
 _And now I am under all_

 

A house. A dream car. A set of keys. Surely a goodbye would complete it Surely that would be enough. That would seal the deal and she would be safe, and happy. They both would. But the goodbye isn’t long enough with not an adequate amount of tears for Amy. Always was a fan of dramatics. He smiles as he pushes a leaver and that is it. They are gone.

 

_And it’s breaking over me_  
 _A thousand miles down to the sea bed_  
 _Found the place to rest my head_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_

 

New York. Weeping Angels. The Ponds. The feeling of danger and power and thrill surrounding them as they fought for their time lines and lifes.

 

_And the arms of the ocean are carrying me_  
 _And all this devotion was rushing out of me_  
 _In the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me_  
 _But the arms of the ocean delivered me_

 

Once safely near the TARDIS the Doctor busied himself with the time machine with the help of River. Nobody noticed the angel that was left. Nobody noticed until it was too late.

 

_And it’s over_  
 _And I’m going under_  
 _But I’m not giving up_  
 _I’m just giving in_

 

Amy Pond looked at the monster that had stolen her husband. The creature that now threatened to take her away from her best friend and daughter. Could she leave them to be with him? Could she leave him to be in the same place as her but years apart? Could she do that to rory...or the doctor? With few words and even less time she had made her decision.

 

_I’m slipping underneath_  
 _So cold and so sweet_

 

Grabbing for her hand he tried to hold it. And for a moment their skin was touching. Their pulses combined, one beating. But it was only for a fraction of a second and then it was gone. Amy was brilliant and she knew what he wanted. He wanted her to remember looking at the stars before thri first trip and linking hands, funning aorung villages of different planets with their fingers laced together, the odd occasion the tips of said fingers would sway together while they stood around listing to some alien explain the history of their race. He wanted all of this because he wanted her to doubt her choice for a just a second. One second. That is all it could take. One second and she would turn back around and go into the TARDIS, but  she knew she couldn’t ever forget Rory. Not again.

 

“You will never be able to see you again.”

 

_And the arms of the ocean so sweet and so cold_  
 _And all this devotion I never knew at all_  
 _In the crushes of heaven for a sinner released_  
 _And the arms of the ocean delivered me_

 

And then just like the first sad look he gave her Amy Pond knows what he means, she knows what he needs to hear even when all she can hear is his breaking voice. “I’ll be fine.” Because the Doctor is only partly worried for himself.

 

  
_Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Deliver me_

 

“Raggedy Man,” She can’t even look at him when she says his nickname. “Goodbye.”

 

  
_Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Deliver me_

 

River saves him and takes him into the TARDIS. He is in no state to look after himself or anyone else.

 

  
_Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Deliver me_

 

“Raggedy man. Goodbye.” The words echo around the never ending tunnels of the TARDIS as he waits on a cloud for some feeling, anything. Maybe if he wait long enough he will regenerate and then the pain may subside or he will at least be able to feel something.

 

  
_Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_  
 _Never let me go_

 

The worst part is when Clara is there. Her puzzle distracts him and starts to make him curious about the world around him. But every time he even slightly loses interest in anything he feeling the crashing burden of months on end he spent alone.

 

_And_ _it’s over_  
 _(Never let me go, Never let me go)_

 

One day, it starts to slowly sink in. Amy is gone. She isn’t ever coming back.

 

_And I’m going under_  
 _(Never let me go, Never let me go)_

 

_But I’m not giving up_  
 _(Never let me go, Never let me go)_

 

Acknowledging it doesn’t make it any easier. Every time he would see a red haired person, or a child who spoke of imaginary friends or a stature of a roman figure, a fez or a mop. He would give a sad smile. For a second. One second. He would allow himself to relapse into the feeling he had that awful day. And then he would prove himself to be the king of okay.

 

  
_I’m just giving in_  
 _(Never let me go, Never let me go)_

 

Of course he knew as a logical man hurting wouldn’t help change anything. But it didn’t help when he was listing to people with Scottish voices or talking to little girls who pray to Santa.

 

_I’m slipping underneath_  
 _(Never let me go, Never let me go)_

 

And finally he is dying. It is all over. No more pain. Maybe he can finally give Clara the respects she needs because his own motives for companionship won’t be to fill a amy-sized-whole. But to be a true friend once again.

 

“Who is Amelia?”

 

How does one start to describe her? The Doctor, a man who has learnt hundreds of languages and customs and can make daleks shake at the mere mention of his name, is frightened he might frighten away this echo of the woman, “The first face this face saw,” he settles for as she approaches. He know she is an echo and from now on that is all she can be. But he knew that from the start. Her body wasn’t made to last forever. But her memory. The thoughts of them, they could last forever. In him.

 

And right now he had that.

 

  
_So cold and so sweet_  
 _(Never let me go, Never let me go)_

 

She places a hand to his face and returns the favour. Because it’s not like the graveyard in New York. They don’t need to feel each other’s pulse to know how much limited time they both have. They are both fully aware of how much the other is fading. But still they smile. Right now they don’t need to think about the running and monsters and aliens. It’s not about the past. It’s not about recalling battles. It’s about being there for one another as they come to terms with their new life; Amy an even further back memory and the Doctor as a new man. So touching “the first face” is all the encouragement he needs.

 

Amy Pond is cold. That’s because Amy Pond isn’t actually there. Amy Pond is somewhere being born right now, in a class room drawing pictures of her imagenry friend, sleeping next to her husband, and buried six feet under. All at once. But to the Time Lord, as always, she is with him. Amy Pond is cold because Amy Pond is dead.

 

Not only the way she looks at him, or talks to him is a sign of how this is not going to be everlasting. It’s all a bitter-sweet collection.  And with a final fare well she breaks his heart and releases him, giving him her permission to be a distant memory once more, telling him he is ready for this all at once.

 

“Raggedy man. Goodnight.”

 

And then they are both at rest.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Any feedback kudos ect is always lovely x x


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